The Tape Fic
by LesbianLoser
Summary: Phil comes out to Dan. The legendary tape fic! Please read and review. TRIGGER WARNING! Mentions of self-harm.


**A/N: Hello guys, girls, and everyone in between! This is not my story! It is actually my friend's story. Ya'll know her as Golden Potterhead and she doesn't have a account so she asked me to post this on mine. She told me to say this: it is my first fanfic and Phan is my OTP. Just so you know, the bold font follows Dan and the normal font follows Phil. So, we hope you enjoy this fanfiction and review. Bye! ~Stay Classy~**

 **Dan lay in his browsing position on the ebony couch, his normally pale cheeks flushed pink from exercise. Despite being skinny Dan was not the athletic type, and neither was Phil, Dan's flatmate. Dan's right leg throbbed from playing three-legged Dance, Dance Revolution (or as he referred to, DDR). Phil was a bit of a klutz all of the time, but take a leg away from him and it was a near disaster. However Phil was that klutz in the sweet, likable way and Dan's best friend, so he put up with it.**

Phil lay on the carpeted floor, staring at the sloped ceiling. Lion was perched upon his nose, and Phil kept scrunching his face, in a desperate attempt to keep Lion balanced. He was nearly five years older than Dan, but was often considered to be more childlike. However at this moment the thoughts going through his head were not as childlike and carefree as his actions portrayed. The thing on his mind was Dan. Daniel James Howell. Phil was replaying the past fifteen minutes of his life, fighting the urges to burst from happiness and to start sobbing uncontrollably.

The past fifteen minutes was the closest that he had ever been to Dan in his life. He had had his left leg _taped_ to Dan's right. _Taped_ with Duct Tape, the thing that could fix anything, well nearly everything. Phil bet that Duct Tape couldn't fix his predicament. During DDR Phil had nearly held Dan's hand. However Dan being Dan and the competitive person that he is, didn't even notice him. This made Phi's blue eyes begin to tear up. Dan was so _perfect_. He had beautiful skin that glowed on camera and even more so in real life. He had chocolate eyes that warmed the soul, and a dazzling smile with perfect teeth that would melt your heart. Even Dan's hair was always perfect, despite the amount of time that he spent messing it up. Dan had more Youtube subscribers even though it was Phil that inspired Dan to join You Tube. Dan won most of the Dan vs. Phil's, not because Phil wasn't capable of winning, but because Daniel James Howell was the perfect human. Even Dan's worst failures (*cough*sellinganaxetoatwelve-yearold*cough*) were somehow perfect. The worst part, in Phil's opinion, was the fact that Dan didn't even know how perfect he was. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he was the King of the Internet and Phil's heart.

 **Dan looked up from his laptop to notice that Phil was staring awkwardly at the ceiling, appearing to be in a trance. Dan silently set his laptop on the Flappy Bird pillow, and crept up behind his friend. He then bent down and whispered into Phil's ear, "We got the D."**

 **Phil's head shot up, crashing into Dan's face.**

Phil felt shivers go down his spine when Dan whispered. He normally shivered when people whispered, for it made him uneasy, but when Dan whispered it made Phil's heart leap with joy. Plus Dan said 'We got the D'. Maybe Dan was more like Phil than Phil realized.

" **Oww, what was that for?" cried Dan, clutching his hand over his nose, "Bloody hell Phil."**

 **Phil let out a nervous laugh, but quickly returned to being stony-faced. Dan had only seen Phil like this a few times before, and he knew that something big was bothering his friend. Dan grabbed Phil's arm, hoisted him onto the couch, and handed him a white whisker mug filled with warm coffee. "What is the matter Phil?" Dan asked tentatively, not wanting to hurt Phil's feelings.**

" **Could you close the curtain?" Phil asked in a quiet voice.**

 **Making a rash decision to try to lift Phil's spirits, Dan joked, "This requires a shut curtain? I'll shut it in case the neighbors are watching."**

 **Phil did not return Dan's light-hearted gesture, but appeared to be ever more downcast than before. Realizing that Phil could not be cheered by a few corny jokes, Dan sat down on the couch, faced his friend, and prepared himself to listen to Phil's woes.**

Phil could not believe that Dan could joke around at a time like this, but Dan did not know what this time was or that it was even happening. _Phil_ could not even believe that it was happening. He had dreamt and dreaded this moment for years, but now that the moment had finally come he was a nervous wreck. In an attempt to calm himself, he took a deep breath of air. He then faced Dan, who looked genuinely worried for Phil. Phil stared into Dan's beautiful eyes, the light causing them to glimmer, and was convincing himself for that the last time that what would be said, needed to be said. The silence was finally broken by a soft sigh from Phil. "I have something that I need to tell you," Phil started hesitantly in a low voice, afraid that he may be overheard by someone else.

Dan nodded encouragingly. Phil continued, "I have wanted to tell you this ever since we met, but could bring myself to do so until today. I am hoping here in advance that you will forgive me for deceiving you for so long."

There was a minute of silence where Phil had to avert his gaze so that he was staring at the couch. He took another deep breath and continued to speak in a small voice, "I am in love with you, Daniel James Howell. I am not talking about just best friend love, but true love that comes pouring out of my heart and soul for you. I was in love with you the first time we met, and have grown more in love with you through every increasing second that I spent with you. The love I have for you is such a love that I cannot begin to put it into words. However I feel like such a monster because I am so much older than you, and I have been your friend only under false pretenses. I am not an eloquent speaker by any means, but I hope that you get my message and that you will forgive me. What I did was wrong."

Phil looked at Dan. His face portrayed clear disbelief and a bit of something else. Phil could not determine what it was, for he never had good people skills. He thought that it was possibly disgust. Phil depressingly thought, "I have now lost my only true friend because of who I really am. I now have a stigma. What worse way is there to live if I cannot be myself? At least Death does not judge who he takes."

Phil began to speak once more, "Please understand why I have to do this, and remember that I will always love you. Good-bye Daniel."

Phil's body began to tremble, causing him to drop the coffee mug and the coffee onto the floor. He hung his head low, unable to make eye contact with Dan anymore. He then rose from the couch, tears gliding down his hot red cheeks. He shuffled across the carpet, wearing mix-matched socks, and disappeared from the room. He left Dan still facing where Phil had sat on the couch. Tears began to fall from Dan's eyes, small tears, but tears nonetheless. The umber coffee pooled on the carpet, now mixed with the tears of two people.

 **Phillip Michael Lester loved him. Phillip Michael Lester** _ **loved**_ **him. Dan could not believe it. It was not that he was against Phil being gay, no it was most certainly not that. For Dan it was the fact that he felt the exact same way. Even since Dan had met Phil he had an attraction to him, but hadn't said anything for fear of scaring Phil away. Dan hadn't wanted the best friend he had ever had to leave him because of his sexuality.**

 **Dan's face broke into a broad grin and his tears of happiness disappeared. However at that moment it occurred to Dan that Phil had left the room, and he could not celebrate with him. Dan leapt up, giddy, and began to shout, "Phil! Phil!"**

 **However there was no answer from the other boy. The apartment was eerily quiet. Dan was beginning to feel nervous. What had happening to Phil? A scream pierced the silence like a knife piercing flesh. Dan dashed out of the room and toward the direction of the noise.**

 **Dan found Phil in the kitchen, on the floor, blood dripping from his wrist. The vermillion liquid had oozed onto the tiled floor, creeping its way to where a large kitchen knife lay. "Phil!" Dan screamed, panicking.**

 **Adrenaline coursed through Dan's veins. His heart punched his ribcage, trying to escape. His head throbbed, his vision becoming blurry. Phil had never done anything like this. Not even remotely close. Trying to comprehend what was happening, Dan hoarsely whispered, "Phil, what are you doing?"**

 **Phil rolled over to look Dan in the eye. While doing so his raven hair had brushed upon a pool of blood, causing it to now run down his face. Also running down his face were large, wet tears that dripped into the meanderings of blood. Phil's gazed was unfocused, but he replied with perfect clarity in a quiet voice dipped in melancholy, "I am dying."**

 **Phil reached for the knife again, but Dan snatched it away from him. Dan lowered himself to the floor, and sat Phil up so that they could sit together. Phil glared at Dan, for what Dan assumed to be anger for taking the knife. "If I give you this knife," Dan began, "I need you to promise me that you will cut me as many times as you wish to cut yourself."**

It was silent except for Phil's heavy breathing. He turned his eyes to Dan's brown ones, now glassed over from the tears streaming down his friend's face. Phil felt his soul split in two. He couldn't hurt Dan. He could hurt himself, but Dan was different. Phil now wanted to live, but his conscience nagged him, convincing him that he needed to die. His conscience told him that if he continued to live he would be bullied as he was as a child, but this would be even worse, for adults' prejudice is monumental compared to that of a child. He would never be accepted in society again. There were clubs of gays and gay-rights activists, but for the majority of the world the word gay comes with sneers, scrunched noses, and downcast eyes. Phil knew he would not be able to handle that, especially if any of the grief came from Dan. So he replied to Dan saying, "I cannot do that. I could not bear to see you in so much pain. But I still need to knife."

"I cannot give it back to you if that is your answer. Do you think that I want to watch you _die_? For God's sake Phil, get your shit together. _I'm_ the one who's supposed to have existential crises, not you."

Phil shook his head, and fell to the floor, right into the pool of his own warm blood.

 **Dan had no clue what he should do. It** _ **was**_ **he who normally had the existential crises. When this happened Phil would leave Dan alone, for that was what he wished. However Dan could not bear leaving Phil alone in a time like this. Then Dan remembered something important.**

 **Dan reached his arm out, and lifted Phil up again, this time to his feet. Dan stared into Phil's sky-blue eyes, trying to make a connection, but was met with a black wall. He leaned his head in so that his nose was touching Phil's. Dan then gently kissed the lips of Phillip Michael Lester for the first time, secretly hoping that it would not be the last.**

Phil felt himself plunging into an infinite abyss of despair. The swirling void of emptiness and sorrow was enveloping his soul. He now understood how Dan felt sometimes, and wanted to kill himself to stop the pain. However he was awakened from this nightmare by the feeling of Daniel's lips pressed against his.

 **Dan broke off the kiss when he saw Phil begin to stir. "Dan," Phil whispered in a feathery voice.**

" **Yes."**

"You know that moment in the movies when the person is about to board the airplane and the person they love is racing towards them because they have something to say? Right now I feel like the person running toward their love. I need to say what that person needs to say. Will you, Daniel James Howell, be my boyfriend?"

Dan's face lit up with the biggest smile, so bright that it rivaled the sun. "Why of course Philip Michael Lester. I've been waiting forever for you to ask."

It was now Phil's turn to smile. He then leaned forward to give his boyfriend a hug.

 **After cleaning up the bloody mess the couple returned to the couch. Phil began to explain why he thought that Dan would not accept him. Dan laughed, but said that he felt the same way. However now that he looked back, Dan couldn't think why he hadn't asked Phil, well except that he was a coward. Still looking back, it was obvious that they were both gay. Just why hadn't they noticed it in each other? "What you did was extremely brave," said Dan. "I would have never had the courage to do what you did."**

 **Phil stared at him, incredulous. "Bu…bu…..bu….but you're so perfect," Phil stammered.**

 **Dan pressed his index finger against Phil's lips to stop him from speaking anymore. He then shook his head and said, "No, I am not."**

 **He then grabbed Lion off of the floor and handed it to Phil. "There's a reason why I have a series of videos called 'Reasons why Dan's a Fail'. It even has its own theme song. I consider it my biggest failure that I never had the courage to tell you how I felt. However** _ **you**_ **, Phil, had the courage to tell me how you felt. I love you with the same love that you love me, but you are the one who said it first. You deserve to have a lion as your animal because in that one moment you showed more bravery than I, or most humans, have in their entire lives. I am a coward, a selfish, greedy, dirty coward that shouldn't be allowed in the presence of someone as** _ **amazing**_ **as you. Do you forgive me?"**

 **Phil broke into another grin. "You have nothing to be sorry for, but if it makes you feel any better, you are forgiven."**

 **Phil then gave Dan another bone-crushing hug.**

 **After they broke their embrace Dan picked up the Victory Crown of Tape from DDR off of the floor. He then grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the crown in half. He placed a half on his head and a half on Phil's. He then entwined the two strands of long tape that hung from their crowns. He cleared his throat and began to speak in a mock-announcer's voice, "As long as these two crowns stay entwined together they will represent our relationship and our victory over the prejudice of society."**

 **When Dan was done with his speech the boyfriends and best friends set the Victory Crowns of Tape on the coffee table and left the room.**

 _I am proud to say that it is many years into the future and the crowns of tape are still there and so are Dan and Phil, forever together like their crowns of tape._


End file.
